Creative Crap

Deadlier Political Ideology Documentary

I was just out taking a much needed mid morning stroll around the building to give my eyes a break from the computer screen when this one popped into my head. I was wondering how a documentary relating heinous crimes to political ideology would turn out.

I have zero background information on this, so I have no idea what such research would reveal, though I do have my presumptions I’ll keep to myself to avoid a fist fight. I think it would be interesting to know the outcome regardless of which side takes the cake.

It would probably be a perfect time to start something like this so you could be rolling out the finished product in an election year. Of course, you’d naturally be accused of being a propaganda shill for the less deadlier party, but hey, careers were built on that kind of publicity. Succès de scandale, right?

Ok, I just cheated a bit and did a quick search. There appears to be plenty of debate over past regimes and genocide, but that’s going a bit further than what I’m shooting for here. I’m looking more at what individual citizens who commit attrocious crimes in the USA think about the most common issues that divide the left and the right.

Divisive topics seem to be the best documentary themes. Michael Moore has made a rather nice living stirring the pot in his films. This one would certainly ruffle a few feathers too, especially if the results were lopsided in favor of one side. Nobody wants to have all the nuts in their corner because, you know, birds of a feather. Ha!

Ok, the data alone will be great, but we’ll still need some notorious names for publicity. Who wants to write to Charles Manson to find out where he stands on foreign policy? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Is Our Celebrity Perception Accurate?

Celebrity Perception is an idea I came up with for a TV show (or a book for an author with access to many celebrities) after reading articles and comments about which celebrities everyone hates working with, or were bad tippers, known divas, or just plain assholes.

How many times have you heard that Jennifer Lopez makes impossible demands, Katherine Heigl is extremely difficult to work with, Bill Cosby is an awful tipper, and Christian Bale is a douche bag? Is it the known transgressions that make it easier to believe the others?

We have a recording of Christian Bale’s bombastic outburst, but other than those present to witness the entire event, we also don’t know all the details of the situation either. The question is, do we need the details to have an accurate view of who he is as a person?

I think most people have a perception of what kind of person Christian Bale is based on that event. The problem with his public perception is people still think he reacted like a jack ass even when they take into consideration the other side of the story.

There’s certain things you can piece together from witnessing behavioral nuances that an individual won’t often realize it’s a tell. You can get a glimpse of someone’s character from the simplest things like courtesy to strangers (holding a door or not) or the way a person treats a waiter or waitress.

Ok, so Christian Bale’s public perception might not be very debatable, but what about the other claims that are basically he said she said rumors? Does it carry weight when you hear about multiple infractions by the same celebrity, regardless of the source of the information? Could we be wrong about any of them?

Could Mike Myers have been stressed out from dealing with a long string of incompetent lackeys after his cat got hit by a car, which was the same day he found out he was being audited by the IRS, and that’s why he has been summed up as moody and temperamental? Probably not, but you get the idea.

I’m not sure you could ever get the truth though. Those who know and like the person would naturally defend. Those who feel slighted by the person will criticize. Without knowing the character and back story of each respondent, we’ll never really know if many of these rumors are true or not.

It’s not like the celebrity would ever confess to being a horror show either. Maybe there’s a perfectly good reason Jennifer Lopez concert rider and hotel demands were so comprehensive and outrageous, though I can’t seem to think of one. Can you?

Chalk this one up to a decent concept that probably isn’t worth pursuing in the television realm. Although, it still might work as a book or website from the fans perspective. Poll a number of people for their thoughts on each celebrity and publish a celebrity perception book/site so they can really see what the prevailing public opinion is on them at the moment.

Dear celebrity publicists. You might want to jump on this idea yourself so you can skew the results in your clients favor. Just remember to keep it believable. I don’t care how many orphanages Bill Cosby visits now. There’s no saving that guy.

Tweekers Roar Parody

I have a little Weird Al in me too. Does anyone else ever do this? There are times when I’m feeling a little creative, but not in a serious way, and I just can’t get myself to delve into an entire story to flesh out every plot point of a screenplay.

Here’s a parody of Katy Perry’s song Roar I started one night but never finished. Feel free to take it over and give it a good chorus and second verse. Extra points if you actually record it.

Here’s what I have so far.

I used to fill my lungs with crystal meth
wore a white frock coat and nothing else
it gets so chi-il-lly, with an exposed wi-il-lly
I guess I forgot that people sneak a peek
Can’t let a tweeker take a leak in peace
So I stood there pee-ee-ing, and it felt so free-ee-ing

The cops came down, and covered me up
All they needed was a Dixie cup
They saw me kick, then heard me scream
the taser hit me like a laser beam
They held me down, but I got away
outrunning them was child’s play

For comparison purposes, here’s the matching parts of the original.

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (hey!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready ’cause I had enough